


War of Hearts

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Intersections [9]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Badass Finn (Star Wars), Badass Rey (Star Wars), Canon Compliant, Child Soldiers, Dark Comedy, Disturbing Content In Chapter Seven, Finn has PTSD (Star Wars), Forbidden Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Confessions, M/M, Moral Debates, Past Child Abuse, Philosophical Discussions, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Rose Tico, Really Weird Ones, Secret Relationship, The Child Soldiers Bit Is Not The Part That’s Funny, The First Order Sucks, Well-Intentioned Extremist, Would Hurt A Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27798844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: It’s been a week since Kylo Ren killed the governor of Corellia, and Poe Dameron must continue to fight against him — as well as his conflicting feelings for him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Series: Intersections [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025694
Comments: 17
Kudos: 9





	1. Come to me

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title taken from Ruelle’s “War of Hearts”. I thought it was a very vibe-y song for this series.

It had been a week or so since Kylo Ren had killed the Corellian governor. 

He couldn’t say he was even sorry about it. Considering the bastard’s complicity with creatures like Proxima (who Kylo also relished killing), it was one of those killings that Kylo couldn’t say he was at all conflicted about, if he was to be perfectly honest. 

Poe was angry at him. (Something that made as much sense as Voe being angry at him for killing Ren — and Kylo tried to not think about that too much) Hadn’t responded to his last missive in, honestly, quite a while, which was...well, it was more than irksome, if Kylo was to be perfectly honest about it. It was, actually, disappointing. 

More than that, it gave Kylo a strange feeling of something that was supposed to be there, but wasn’t. Rey closing off the Bond with him had been one example of this, except with Poe, it felt like an emotional amputation. 

It hurt. And that was what got to Kylo, if he was to be perfectly honest. He wasn’t accustomed to things hurting. Not really. 

***

When he met with his First Order officers on the Steadfast, he kept a sabaac face. (He could remember that his father, the late Han Solo, had told him about that, about keeping a sabaac face. It was something that Kylo still struggled to learn) “The governor of Corellia is dead,” he said to the people meeting there. "As is Lady Proxima.” _And nothing of value was lost_. “Now is the chance to install a First Order government on Corellia that will actually bring order. A stronger government, under a stronger leader.”

He could swear that Hux actually raised an eyebrow, and Kylo could have sworn he was getting better at not throttling Hux. Marginally. 

He looked around at the others, seated there, almost like statues in how still they were. 

It was Hux who spoke up. “We could put stormtroopers down on Corellia,” he said. “Keeping the others in line.”

”That is good, Hux,” though that didn’t say much, “But we need someone who will be a figurehead for the First Order and what they seek to achieve.”

Achieve. That was all that Kylo really wanted. Achievement. Victory in all things. Power. 

And, somehow, Poe. Poe, who had shared so much of his soul with him. Who Kylo had shared with in turn, until he was an open holobook. Was he still a monster? 

He didn’t know. 

***

They had Dejaron Malik in charge. Part of the previous Corellian governor’s cabinet and someone who had tried to appeal to end the whole scumrat business completely, Dejaron would at least be a good messenger for their cause. Making people see through their eyes, as opposed to closing them forever. Kylo knew that he himself wasn’t just an angry club, no matter what Resistance propaganda made him out to be. 

He wasn’t a monster. Not anymore. He couldn’t be. 

Rey had called him a monster. And he was; he could feel it in his bones after killing Han Solo (and pointlessly) but he wasn’t anymore. He couldn’t be. 

***

_Poe,_

_I know you are still angry with me. I don’t know why, especially considering that the governor was no saint. But you are angry. Everything I’ve been doing, I’m doing because I know it’s right._

_I just know. Try to understand. Please._

_-K.R._

***

Kylo sighed even as he sent the missive. He felt like the strength was all but drained from him in this very moment. A man who had the power of the First Order at his command...but he didn’t have Poe. 

It was a realization that nibbled at him, just enough to be gnawing. Enough to feel uncomfortable under the layers of emotional protection he’d tried to erect for himself. Layers that would, sooner or later, fall back down.

He sat in his meditation chamber then, thoughts gnawing at the wires of his brain like mynocks on power cables. And he breathed in, in to the grief and anger that seemed to be like a black hole sucking everything in. 

He drew on his anger, and for a moment, it was stabilizing. But at the same time, he could also see Poe’s face, something that was almost calming. Remembering how Poe rested against him that night they were forced to huddle for warmth —

Kylo forced a deep breath out of his lungs. He couldn’t afford to think about this, and yet Poe was eroding at him. One of the last remnants of Ben Solo...

Snoke would have ordered Kylo to kill Poe. Had ordered Kylo to torture Poe, coerced him when he didn’t comply. But Snoke wasn’t here now. 

He could try and convince Poe. 

Yes, he could. And thanks to their means of communication, he wouldn’t even need to chase Poe across the galaxy in order to do it...


	2. In the night hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo confesses to Poe in the strangest way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Poe wasn’t going to deny it; he was still angry at Kylo. Angry — he should have expected Kylo killing the Corellian governor, but for some irrational, stupid reason...for some irrational stupid reason, Poe had found it to be a shock. A contrast between the K.R. of the letters, not quite Ben Solo but close enough, and the man who was willing to kill in order to get what he wanted. 

He should have expected it. Should have. But it still stuck in his mind, gritty and bitter, and Kylo...

He stared down at the missive on his datapad. Somehow, he didn’t even know where the kriff to begin. 

***

_Ben,_

_You didn’t have to kill him. You really didn’t. I mean, I’m certain that he wasn’t a nice guy. But you’re capable of better. Better than killing and trying to take over the galaxy. So much better. And I wish you could see that._

_I really do._

_You’re a good person. Somewhere. I know that there’s a part of you that can still be protective, and kind, and good. I know there is. I know you._

_-Poe_

***

_Poe,_

_People think they know who I “really am”. They don’t._

_-K.R._

***

Poe sighed in frustration even looking over Kylo’s reply. It was like arguing with a stone wall, at times. 

He never thought that going over battle plans would be a welcome distraction, but here he was. He started going over the files that Leia had sent him, on this Dejaron Malik. Apparently some sort of Corellian war hero turned politician, who had joined up with the First Order thanks to frustration with the Republic. Poe wondered, if at least for some of them, that had been a draw to the First Order.

And others, like Hux, were just in it because they got their kicks from it. Probably. Probably. 

Even looking at the files, Poe was glad they at least had something. A guy with good intentions, who had been turning Corellia into a police state out of the days of the Empire. 

And Kylo had hired him. 

***

_Ben,_

_I know you. I know that you’re better than this.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

_Did you know, when I chose the name Kylo, that I hated my given name? Ben Solo. The name of a man who was murdered before I was born, and the last name that my father was assigned to him because he had none. Based on a lie. That’s what the scavenger doesn’t understand — it was a shadow and a thought that she loved. An image. Nothing about it was real. And even you...you don’t realize, do you? This is who I’m meant to be. This is who I am. I chose the name “Kylo” because it reminded me of you. Of how you and I would play together as younglings. Prince Kylo, Jedi Kylo — he was impressive, like I wanted to be.  
_

_It’s the closest to a memory that I could ever allow. To be a Dark Sider means love is a weakness, but I do love you. For my part.  
_

_I love you as much as I did then.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

It should have been liberating to hear. It should have been wonderful. Instead, Poe felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. Kylo loved him — and yet he was still willing to say that everything they experienced together was a lie. What did he say to that? How could he?

But he wrote back. Because he had to. Because he still felt it, deep inside. 

***

_Ben,_

_I love you too.  
_

_-Poe_


	3. I will wait for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance prepares to retake Corellia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_Poe,_

_I had hoped you would say this. I suppose the question is where we go from here. Where do we go from here? After this...we are on sides that can’t be reconciled. Uncompromising principles. It’s not as easy as me dropping everything and running to you — even though you do make me feel safe. It will never be as simple as that._

_But you are a good man. A better man than you give yourself credit for. And in the places in my heart where nothing else lives, I can hold you there. I can keep you safe._

_-K.R._

***

_Ben,_

_I can’t just continue to lie to the Resistance. They’ll be destroyed by it. And yet...it is odd, but you are the closest person I have to someone who understands me. Who knows the worst of what I’ve done, and loves me all the same._

_It is something I never thought I would feel. Not in some time. The best person who understands me, used as a weapon to hurt me._

_I love you, Ben. No matter what happens, I_ love you. No matter what I do. _I’m here._

_-Poe_

***

Poe looked over the missives, wondering what would become of them in a galaxy that was kinder. Better. If there was a galaxy that was kinder. Where Ben was with the Resistance — maybe he’d still call himself Kylo, who knew? What would matter was that they were together. They wouldn’t have to hide, to run away. And no matter what the First Order threw at them, they would face it together. 

But instead, Luke had driven a chasm between them. A chasm, thanks to Luke deciding he could decide who lived and died. Who was worthy of compassion, and who wasn’t. And Poe hated him, if only for that. Hated him, just for his own arrogance, his own insurmountable idiocy. 

And Poe had lost just about everything.

Because Ben was everything, plain and simply, to him. 

They’d have to attack Corellia. Take it back. Of course they would. It was their job. To liberate it from forces of oppression. And Poe had no qualms about that. 

It was facing Ben he still hesitated about.

***

”You’re awfully quiet, Commander Dameron,” D’Acy said at breakfast. 

”I’m okay,” Poe said. _I’m being torn apart_ , he thought, _And I need to put myself back together before it’s too late_. 

He could still imagine Ben’s face when he arrived on Corellia. Poe could only imagine himself, so easily, breaking Ben’s heart. All that anger, that pain — he simply couldn’t do it. 

But if he didn’t do it, who would? Poe loved Ben, but he also loved the galaxy, just about every star, moon and planet. He wasn’t about to kill the galaxy to preserve Ben...even if Ben would do the same for him. 

Was he, truly, a selfish lover?

***

”Our goal here is to arrest Dejaron Malik,” Poe said, addressing the crowd of Resistance people. “We’re doing this if only because it’s the right thing to do. Not out of hate and revenge, never out of hate and revenge, but for the sake of every star, moon and planet that deserves to live in freedom. So that for the first time in so long, the Corellians know freedom! They have to. If anyone can break the cycle, it’s us.”

The Resistance murmured agreement, enthusiastic agreement at that. Poe could at least be proud of that. He just hoped, more than anything, that Ben would forgive him for what he was going to do. 

***

_Ben,_

_No matter what happens, come what may — remember that I love you. You are the closest thing to my heart, and I would never do anything to hurt you. No matter what transpires, we cradle each other’s lives. It’s all us.  
_

_-Poe_


	4. And I can't sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe has a moment, en route to Corellia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The journey to Corellia was a long one. Poe tried to distract himself through playing dejarik with Finn and Chewie, and trying not to trip over the Porgs on the Falcon (seriously, how many Porgs were there?), but he couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen once he reached Corellia. 

He knew it was simple: arrest Dejaron Malik. Take him into Resistance custody. It should have been that simple, he thought, and yet he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen when he and Ben crossed paths again. 

Or rather “if”.

Yeah. “If” was good. At least Ben wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire. At least. 

It was selfish. It was terribly selfish. Poe wasn’t a fool. And there was no way to actually do both, to preserve Ben and fight for freedom at the same time. 

Was there?

It struck Poe that he was being selfish. No doubt unjustifiably so. 

***

_Ben,_

_I won’t deny it. I am scared.  
_

_-Poe_

***

_Poe,_

_Don’t ever say that about yourself. You are the bravest man I’ve ever known, and I know that you can do this. I know that more than anything.  
_

_-K.R._

***

There was something about that that was enough, barely, to give Poe confidence. Even sitting in his quarters, he couldn‘t help but feel...okay. It was an odd feeling to have around Kylo Ren, but Poe felt it nonetheless.

Okay. It was something that almost made Poe wonder. Would he have to rely on Kylo as a sort of crutch? Even that idea...he didn’t like it. Relying on Kylo just to stay sane...

Maybe it went both ways. Without the other, they just went a little bit crazy. 

It was something that unsettled Poe, at least a little. 

***

While Rey piloted the Falcon, Poe slept. He was relieved when he woke up, if only because he had dreamed about the Temple being on fire, of Ben screaming for him to help, and Poe being unable to help him. Poe lay awake for a while, trying to adjust to his surroundings, his heart pounding frantically in his chest. 

And now, he could hear the beeping of the ship. Corellia was coming up. 

He’d better be ready for it. 


	5. ‘Cause Thoughts Devour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrest Dejaron Malik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Corellia. Even as they docked, Poe couldn’t help but feel a stuttering in his heart — his heart speeding up, so to speak, at the very idea of marching on Corellia. It was something that he dreaded — but it was something that he knew he had to do. 

”All right, gang,” Poe said to the others, “Ready to do this thing?”

They nodded. 

Even as they walked on Corellia’s grounds, Poe couldn’t help but notice the stormtroopers that were marching through Corellia. Through it, almost single file. In another part of the city, there was a series of stormtroopers, bashing in the door of a house. 

Poe knew that he should intervene. There was no way that he was going to just stand there and let people do this. Let them hurt innocent people. This was the same man who had begged Kylo not to kill the civilians of Tuanul. This was the same man who had only shot stormtroopers at Tuanul in order to try and save that village. To love someone, you had to be willing to kill for them — and that probably extended to loving every bit of sentient and non-sentient life, didn’t it?

Poe raised his blaster. Leia turned to him. “Not yet,” she said. 

”Not yet?” Poe whisper-shouted. “I can’t just turn my back on these people.”

Leia looked mournful. Then, “Arresting Dejaron Malik will do more good than anything. And randomly firing on stormtroopers...it’ll just betray our position.”

Poe supposed, reluctantly, that she had a point. He hated it, but she had a point. 

He silently hoped that the family being arrested by stormtroopers for seemingly no reason would forgive him for his inaction. For seeing them in trouble, and doing nothing — something that Poe knew he wasn’t used to. 

***

Arresting Dejaron Malik didn’t go as smoothly as Poe hoped. He supposed he should have seen it coming, when Malik threw a grenade at them — fortunately, Rey froze it in mid-air. More training with Leia, Poe could only assume. 

”Nicely done,” Poe said to Rey. 

”It’s not over yet,” Rey said, even as Malik drew his blaster. 

Finn fired. Even as Malik crumpled over, Poe turned to Finn. “Did you kill him?”

”Just a stun shot,” Finn said. ”We've got a prisoner.”

Poe didn’t miss the way that Rose beamed, appreciatively, at her boyfriend. 

***

So it seemed, Poe thought, his worries about Kylo Ren showing up were unfounded. Completely, at that. Well, assuming that Kylo Ren didn’t find out about Malik being essentially captured. They’d had to shoot quite a few stormtroopers on the way out. 

”It’s starting to hit me,” Finn said. “I don’t like this. Killing my own former comrades. I mean, what are the odds that this could have been me?”

Poe didn’t know what to say to that. He nodded towards Finn, sympathetically, as they boarded the Falcon, wishing that there was more that he could say, more he could do. 


	6. Thoughts of you consume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They guard Dejaron Malik, and Kylo and Poe have a bit of a philosophical debate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Special thanks to a user on the r/fanfiction subreddit for suggesting describing Poe and Kylo’s surroundings while writing their communications!

It was in his quarters that Poe sat, still haunted by the experience on Corellia. Chewie was guarding Dejaron Malik in the brig, which was good; one simply didn’t mess with an angry Wookiee. Chewie definitely wasn’t someone to mess with, at bare minimum. 

It wasn’t like Poe was the type to easily crumble. But it was stuff like thinking about being unable to help the people on Corellia that was enough to make him wonder if he, simply, could have done more. Even stopping the stormtroopers. 

It was in his quarters that he typed out his thoughts:

_Ben,_

_You probably already know what we did today. I just don’t understand, though. I mean, you didn’t have to uphold the First Order at all, but kidnapping children? You’re the Supreme Leader, damn you; you can do anything. You can just stop it. Stop it all. I didn’t think that you were the type, honestly, to condone kidnapping children.  
_

_Finn’s traumatized. He’s traumatized by the fact that he had to kill his own comrades. And you had the choice to stop it all, but you’re continuing the kidnapping. The brutality. I don’t understand how you can be okay with it. Why?_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

_You’re questioning the way things are. You’re assuming that I can just uproot the First Order, right then and there. Lose valuable soldiers. You assume that I can just change everything.  
_

_I did have plans, of course. Having clone troopers, like the Emperor did in days of old. I especially considered it when I was doubting the efficiency of Hux’s troops. Especially at retrieving BB-8 unharmed. But then...then I started realizing something. They were efficient._

_Besides, I know that the Jedi weren’t any better at this than we are. Are you trying to bleed me, Poe? Make me see the light? Are you trying to get me to understand? The Jedi were the ones that took children from their families first, and they were rewarded for it. How is one example of taking children from their families good, and another bad? Don’t just say it’s different because it’s different, little Poe-bird; explain to me. I am genuinely interested in hearing it.  
_

_It’s interesting, isn’t it? What we’re taught. There’s no real good or bad; thinking makes it so. Thinking makes good, thinking makes evil. The Emperor once said that good is a point of view. As much as he was, to put it mildly, a psychopath, I wonder how much of it is true.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

It wasn’t often that Poe wanted to throw the datapad across the room, but he almost wanted to — the only thing that stopped him was knowing that he had things of Kylo’s, of Ben’s, in there, and he wasn’t easily parting with them. 

Still, he almost wanted to kill Kylo, right then and there. Thinking making good? Thinking making evil? There were certain lines that you didn’t cross, and no amount of “thinking” could make them better. Nothing. 

How could Kylo stray that far from what was obviously right and wrong? Did Snoke —

It was possible, Poe thought. Did Ben start out thinking that stormtrooper mistreatment was justified? Considering that he was only six when Finn was taken (if he did the math in his head, at least. Finn was twenty-three, Ben was twenty-nine now), there was no way that a little kid could have been in charge of Finn’s suffering.

Poe couldn’t blame him for something he was too young to do. He could blame him for continuing the evil. 

***

_Ben,_

_Calling me a pet name isn’t going to convince me that kidnapping children isn’t wrong. Seriously, do you even know what you’ve done to Finn? How he's suffered since getting out of the First Order? Stang, Phasma should burn in the Corellian hells just for that._

_Seriously, what happened to you? You’re a good person, I know it’s in there somewhere. You were willing to let Finn go at Tuanul. I know that. You were willing to let me go on the Finalizer; at least, you didn’t really do much to stop me and Finn from escaping. You were willing to save me when I crashlanded. When we crashlanded. And for some reason, you didn’t fire on me during the Battle of Savareen. I don’t understand._

_How can you do all this?_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

~~_I’m certain that FN-2187 is perfectly fine with betraying everything the First Order stood for; I fail to understand how he can be_ “ _traumatized” unless he’s realizing what a stupid thing he did.  
_~~

_(Considering I killed Snoke and lied to Hux about it, it just occurred to me I can’t criticize FN-2187 anymore lest I be throwing stones in my transparisteel house)_

_-K.R._

***

_Ben,_

_You_ think?!

_-Poe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: Okay, it’s rare for me to chuckle at something I’ve written, but the bit with the strikethrough and Kylo realizing that he’s a hypocrite kinda made me laugh. Is that bad of me?


	7. Ooh-ooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe questions Dejaron Malik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for Would Hurt A Child and other First Order stuff. The First Order sucks, really.

There was something about actually facing Dejaron Malik (General Organa wanted him questioned) that was enough to make Poe feel at least a prickling of not-rightness as he stood in the brig, opposite Malik. Something about his eyes — they were blue ice-chips that somehow made Poe wonder if he could see everything.

Of course it was an irrational fear. The feeling was there anyway. 

”Resistance vermin,” Dejaron said, a little too calmly. “Arriving on the scene too late. Funny how you can take more of an objection to Corellia trying to fix its own problems than people starving and suffering.”

”I don’t really see how enforcing a police state is ‘fixing things’,” Poe said flatly. 

Dejaron tilted his head. “Is that what the Resistance calls it now?” A beat. “It was simple. The First Order — well, he happened. Landed on our planet like a vision of a brighter tomorrow.”

Poe thought back to Kylo landing on Jakku. Dejaron was...misguided at most. Kylo wasn’t a vision of a brighter tomorrow as much as a harbinger of death. Poe hated thinking about that, how Ben had been warped so. 

Stars, what did it say about him that he loved the monster? That he wanted to gentle him?

Dejaron continued. “He killed Proxima for us. It seemed that whatever gods are out there smiled upon us then. He didn’t ask for repayment...yet.”

Okay. Poe tried thinking about Proxima, just then. Considering her abuse of the children there, he couldn’t say that he didn’t understand Kylo killing her. Hating her. After all, she was a child abuser. An exploiter. 

”What did he eventually want as repayment?” Poe said.

”He wanted our children,” Dejaron said, and Poe had to startle back, at least momentarily. "Our children...and I thought it was better that way. In the First Order, at least, they could be protected. Fed and watered, sheltered. It would have been...preferable to the Corellian slums. Having to steal to survive. Having to hide from the sun. It would have been better...”

Poe didn’t miss the way that Finn’s hands curled into fists at his side. The suppressed pain, the suppressed rage. 

”Mr. Malik,” Poe said evenly, “Do you...know what happens to these children? The reconditioning?”

Dejaron actually did look startled, now that Poe really did look at him. 

”You don’t know what they do to them, do you?” Finn said. “The reconditioning. Anyone who steps out of line, even for something as small as removing a helmet...they’re punished. Sometimes they’re even tortured. And Ren...even if the stormtrooper program was before his time, he did allow it. He didn’t commit every crime in existence, but the ones he didn’t commit...he allowed."

Poe could already feel the stab in his heart. The pain there. The idea that Ben, his Ben, would just allow things like Hosnia Prime to happen. The stormtrooper program. How did he live with himself? How did he rationalize any of this?

Why was Poe thinking he could be convinced?

”By the gods,” Dejaron said. “Even the children? Do they...care how old the ‘traitors’ are?”

”Only that they’ve committed treason. Stepped out of line,” Finn said. “I was lucky. They didn’t see any signs of disobedience from me until I was twenty-three years old.”

”You were taken...”

”When I was small," Finn said. “Too small to remember. Usually they went after the nobodies. The people who they thought wouldn’t be missed.”

”And that’s why they came here,” Dejaron said, wonderingly. “By the stars...I condemned children to torture and slavery. I should burn in the Corellian hells if only for that.”

Poe swallowed. It occurred to him that he felt sorry for Dejaron Malik. That he wasn’t a monster, not really. He wasn’t completely a monster.

”At least give me a chance,” Dejaron said. "It’s not a case of salvaging my image. I just want to make things right. I need to do this, or in the afterlife I will burn with the knowledge that I good as became a Proxima. Everything I despised.” He looked up at Poe, and his eyes didn’t seem like chips of ice, but instead, unexpectedly vulnerable. “Let me.”

Finn seemed to, slowly, be letting down his defenses. “What do you know about Corellia’s stormtrooper program?”

***

”He wasn’t lying,” Poe said to General Organa. 

”I know,” Leia said. “I spoke with him, and there was no lie in him. He was a fool...but not an intentionally malicious fool, I don’t think. Should he make it to the end of the war, the Republic will ultimately decide his fate.”

”If there is a Republic,” Poe said, softly. 

”If is good,” Leia said. “I suppose it goes to show that not everyone who does evil does it because it’s evil. Sometimes they can mistake it for happiness. The good they seek.”

Despite himself, Poe thought of Ben. Had Ben started out that way? Had Ben thought, somehow, that he was doing good? Mistaken evil for happiness? What had he been looking for, in the end?

”Yeah,” Poe said. “I suppose so."

***

They were still en route to Ajan Kloss. From there, Dejaron would become part of the Resistance. From there, they could, hopefully, keep him safe. Despite himself, Poe wanted him to be safe. Wanted him to get the stormtrooper kids out safely, no matter what. 

He supposed that he was the sort who cared about everybody, and everybody suffered sooner or later. Everybody hurt. 

He sat in his quarters, and he wondered idly how he really could think about Ben condoning the stormtrooper reconditionings. The recruitments. Ben didn’t use to be cruel. Poe knew that. Something had changed in him. Something...more. 

Poe shuddered to think about it. He wasn’t about to confront Kylo about Dejaron Malik, though. Not when it was so possible that Kylo could, actually, use it against him. Against them all. 

Poe knew that he couldn’t afford to be selfish. Being selfish was so much like a siren’s song. Calling to him. Beckoning. Saying that, plain and simply, other people didn’t care about him. 

But it didn’t matter who cared about him and who didn’t. Poe would love, all too keenly, anyway. 

***

He couldn’t say that his dreams were pleasant ones. They were nightmares — nightmares about stories his brain constructed in his head about what Finn had told him. Torture. Flashes of vibroblades and the screams of stormtrooper children...

Poe snapped awake in that moment, gasping for air, and feeling like those children’s pain (even pictured pain) was his own. In that moment, he could swear it was very close, close enough to touch. 


	8. Ooh-ooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Dejaron talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ajan Kloss. Even as they landed on Ajan Kloss, Poe wouldn’t deny that he was already exhausted. Something about the nightmare that he had — and he was already wondering if he should really be staying. If he should even be condoning the matter of a man who was willing to continue the stormtrooper program, who was willing to plunge the galaxy into an age of fascism — if he should love this man all the same. 

Because stars willing, Poe still loved him. Should there have been such a thing as unconditional love? Loving someone even when they were actively committing evil? That was the question, wasn’t it? Should there be? Even when someone was actively committing evil? 

Poe thought back to Padme, the woman unfortunate enough to have married Darth Vader. Did she ever have to look at the wasteland of what her husband had created and just wonder what went wrong?

Poe shuddered to think about it. 

He stepped off the Falcon, trying to focus on the task at hand. No matter how much being selfish tugged at him like a siren’s song, he couldn’t afford to give in. He had to go in. 

***

Malik’s advice was at least invaluable, when it came to taking down the stormtrooper facilities. There were secret bases on Corellia. The goal was just to get them taken down before they caused more damage. Before they hurt any more children. 

”I won’t risk damnation on these good children,” Dejaron said to Poe. “I just hope that I haven’t already.”

“‘Damnation’ implies they can’t be turned back,” Poe said. “Finn was turned back. Turned himself back, actually. Why not them?”

”You are correct in that regard,” Dejaron said. "I only fear what will happen. I love Corellia. I think I have since I was a boy and first knew what it was.”

Poe bit his lip. Corellia — it was so strange that Dejaron could claim to love it and nonetheless inflict a police state on it. 

Dejaron continued. “I wish other people could see it as I do. There was Proxima, there were the scumrats, but it is beautiful. The sparkling waters, the great spires. When you love something, when it simply lives there in your heart...you’d do anything to protect it."

”In my case, I love everyone,” Poe said. 

”Then we bleed the same,” Dejaron said. “And Ren...he loves no one. I’m certain he does. Everything, for him, is just a means to an end. To feed his will. I thought he loved Corellia as much as I did. I was...stupid.”

”Ren has things he loves,” Poe said before he could stop himself. “It’s just that...” What, exactly? Was it like his sick side was overwhelming to him? It had to be. Like Poe couldn’t budge him from the path of the dark. 

Dejaron shook his head. “Ren loves nothing and no one. His soul’s a barren winter landscape, where nothing grows, nothing lives. At least that is how I picture it.”

”He saved my life.” Poe said. 

"Why him? What’s selfless about him, really?"

Poe swallowed. “It’s a long story.”

***

What Dejaron said shouldn’t have gotten to Poe. But when he pictured Kylo’s soul...

It wasn’t a barren winter landscape. Poe just knew that. Winter didn’t last forever. Winter, sooner or later, melted away. Winter could have its own beauty as well — the snow clinging to the branches of the trees, the pure white on the ground and falling from the sky like stars. 

And that was what Kylo was. Someone who could be beautiful and vicious at the same time. It only hurt that his vicious side was overwhelming to him. Because he could be beautiful, could be loving. 

It was selfish to even consider. Poe should have been considering his victims, his countless victims. Was it possible to love both? The victims and Poe’s terrible, split lover? 

Poe sat on the bed in his room, sighed. He wouldn’t deny it; he was tired. He didn’t know what he was going to do next. He could only hope that he could save everyone — even and especially Ben. 


	9. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment before the Corellian raid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The hyperspace travel to Corellia was going to take a while, but Poe was at least glad that it was underway. Malik was guarded, but he at least seemed to be able to not be confined to the brig. The others still seemed to be distrustful of him, though. Distrustful...and Poe did, in spite of himself, feel sorry for Malik. 

Just this once, he spent time out of his room, away from his datapad, and he spoke with Malik. He found that Malik really did look tired, shadows under his eyes, looking drawn and pale.

”Sleep problems?" Poe said to him.

”You could say that,” Malik said. “I just wonder...why were you defending Ren when he did nothing but hurt you and other people?”

Poe bit back a kneejerk retort. After all, Kylo had hurt people — including Poe. Kylo had tortured him, for example — though Poe couldn’t say he could hate him completely for it, especially since Kylo had been good as coerced into it.

”We knew each other," Poe said. “Long ago. He wasn’t always a monster, and I don’t think he’s completely a monster now. He’s capable of more. At least...with me.”

Did it really matter?

Did it really matter, when Kylo couldn’t be bothered to show compassion or decency to anyone else? It wasn’t ingratitude; it was the simple, honest fact that Poe couldn’t afford to prioritize Kylo over the fact he just wouldn’t risk damnation on these good people of the galaxy, and he couldn’t afford to basically go “It’s okay that you killed and hurt these people; I’m sure they deserved it anyway”.

Those feelings weren’t incompatible, were they?

Malik frowned. “Did he really do that much for you?”

”He did save my life,” Poe said. 

_And he understands me. Cares about me, loves me — when people like Leia are only concerned by what I can do for them.  
_

“Do tell,” Malik said. 

”We were fighting over Savareen. For — for some reason he didn’t fire on me, but one of his wingmen did. Jess, one of my friends — she was able to fire on Kylo. He...took care of me when we crash-landed.”

”So,” Malik said, "He must have been in a good mood that day."

Poe wanted to say it was more than that, but he didn’t say it out loud. There were some things that needed to be kept secret, after all. Some things that couldn’t be talked about, no matter how much Poe wanted to defend Kylo. 

***

He sat in his room, again; he swore that the silence was practically smothering. But it was protective, in a way; it was a case of trying to at least be as secret as one could. 

And he wrote. 

***

_Ben,_

_Why didn’t you fire on me, that day above Savareen?_

_-Poe_

_***_

_Poe,_

_It should have been easy. It should have been a matter of me cutting out the past. But I couldn’t fire on you. You mean the galaxy to me...and I thought I had hurt you enough._

_I have hurt you enough. I don’t want to hurt you.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

_Ben,_

_Then don’t.  
_

_-Poe_

***

There was something about sending that that was enough to make Poe wonder if it would actually change anything. It had to, didn’t it? It had to, somehow, make things better. 

Yeah, and maybe Poe was actually a prince from Hapes. What were the odds that anything like this would actually work? 

He lay back on his bed, feeling exhaustion take him once again. To love Kylo Ren was agony, but to love Ben Solo was all he could do. 


	10. Ooh-ooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siege on the facility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for child soldiers, Finn having a PTSD attack, etc. Note that Finn’s current environment is safe and supportive.

Landing on Corellia near the stormtrooper facility was enough to make Poe’s heart speed up. He looked down at the building, at the small structure with paint like faded ivory. 

”That’s where they take the kids?” he said to Finn. 

Finn nodded. “I wasn’t taken to the facility on Corellia, obviously, but they all have that look. That faded look...”

Finn’s breathing was coming in shallow. Poe didn’t miss how Rose squeezed Finn’s shoulder, gently. 

”Finn,” she said, “You’re safe with us. Phasma’s dead. Kylo Ren,” and here, Poe picked up the hatred in her voice, “Is unfortunately Supreme Leader...but we’ll do something about that.”

 _Do something about that._ Poe shuddered to think of what could happen to make it so. Killing him...he hoped the kindest option was simply deposing him. Getting rid of the First Order.

That would be kindest. Balancing both of Poe’s loves — Kylo, and the galaxy as a whole. There was room in there, wasn’t there, just for two?

For everyone. 

”For the sake of all life, Rosie,” Finn said. “Really.”

Rose did smile at him, just then. Poe was grateful, at least, for a moment between friends before everything. 

***

The stormtrooper facility was chaos even as the Resistance sieged it. There were exclamations, especially as Rey showed up — she had become something of a figure that First Order figures told campfire stories about, and she backed that up even cleaving through First Order officers. Poe couldn’t say he liked it. Of course not. But he was willing to do whatever it took just to free the stormtroopers. 

”Finn!” Poe shouted over the din. “Is there any chance you can get the others? The stormtroopers?”

Finn nodded. 

“Let me go with him,” Dejaron said. “It’s for the best. And I want to have a chance to make up for what I did."

”I’m going with you both,” Rose said. “Malik — Finn’s important to me. If you hurt him, I swear I’ll tase you.”

”Duly noted,” Dejaron said. “You have my word that Finn will not come to harm. Though...I daresay he’s well-protected with you here, Miss Tico.”

"Flattery’s not gonna make me get my guard down.”

”I’m stating a fact," Dejaron said. “Really.”

”I’m going with Finn too,” Poe said at the same time as Rey. 

Dejaron looked at Finn in admiration. Then, “You do inspire quite a bit of loyalty, Finn."

”Yeah. They’re good." Finn said. 

***

They made their way deeper into the cells, and it was then that Poe noticed something. The doors...even trying to pick the lock didn’t work. 

”You’ll have to use the terminal,” Dejaron said. “That’s where they keep the kids.”

Finn looked like he was staring out into nothingness. “...and they keep them there. Four walls. Suffocating...”

”Finn,” Rose said, softly. “You’re not a child anymore. You’re with us. You can fight back."

Rey nodded. “Try stomping your feet. It’ll...give you a sense of the present.”

Finn raised an eyebrow at her, but did it. 

”Yeah,” he said. “I believe it. Rose, Rey...thank you. Really."

Rose kissed his cheek just then. Rey winked at him. 

”Come on,” Dejaron said. “We need to hack into the system.”

”I can do it!” Rey exclaimed. “I can fix anything.”

Finn nodded. "Just do what you did with the rathtars.”

Rey nodded. Poe watched even as her nimble scavenger’s fingers danced over the keyboard of the console. The doors opened, and Poe didn’t miss how she grinned just then, how she looked almost like a kid who’d figured something out. 

It was very Rey, now that Poe thought about it. 

The kids flooded out — the youngest seemed to be at least a toddler, Poe realized in horror. It was one thing to hear about the stormtrooper indoctrinations. It was something else entirely to see it. How small they all seemed...

Finn took to them well, squatting next to them with Rose, Dejaron, Rey and Poe. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’re all with the Resistance. We’re gonna get you out of here. Just follow us.” Finn turned to Rey. “Can you find a way to slow the First Order officers down?”

”There’s a function for that!" Rey grinned at Finn as she spoke before she tinkered to set off the poisonous gas in one room, the sprinklers in another...

She was good, Poe would say that. 

”It’s just knock-out gas,” Rey said. “On the console. They wouldn’t want to actually kill one of their own, I don’t think.”

***

They ran to the Falcon just then. Ran, like their lives depended on it. And as they boarded the Falcon and blasted off, Poe knew that they had at least put another dent in the First Order. Not out of hate or revenge, but for the sake of all life. 


	11. Ooh-ooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive back on Ajan Kloss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ajan Kloss. Again. It seemed to be a recurring motif with Poe, Poe couldn’t help but think. Coming back there, and wondering when the First Order would be finished. Maybe this would end when one or both of them were dead. Poe shuddered to think of it. 

”Is that...?” One of the stormtrooper kids blinked up at the clear skies of blue, like she had never seen it before. Maybe she hadn’t. 

”Yeah,” Finn said, softly. “That’s freedom. That’s perfection.”

”It must be,” said the girl. 

Poe smiled over at her. That was what mattered, really. That they were out. That they were safe. 

***

It was in his bunk that Poe read over the latest missive from Kylo. 

_Poe,_

_I felt what you did. I admit that I still find it unbelievable in everything that's happened. You not only broke out my soldiers, but persuaded Dejaron Malik to your side?_

_I suppose that it is admirable, in its own right. Something you would do. You and your willingness to give second chances. You and your faith in people._

_Still, I don’t suppose I understand why. Because...the First Order would be better for the galaxy in the long run, wouldn’t it? It would keep the galaxy safe. Better than the Republic ever did. I just know it and yet you fight me._

_I don’t understand.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

_Ben,_

_It won’t. It can’t. I love you more than you can possibly understand, but it doesn’t work that way. Not really. There’s things you’re doing that are at least counterproductive to democracy, and those are things that I can’t get behind. Not even a little bit.  
_

_I know you are a good person, deep inside. I know that deep inside there is the man who saved my life. I know that he’s still there. And I love him. I love you.  
_

_Good night, Ben. When you dream, dream of me. Promise me that._

_-Poe_

_***  
_

It would be a hard road. Poe knew it. It wouldn’t be a road without at least a few tears. But if only to honor both his loves — the galaxy and the man that was still Ben Solo — he would do whatever it took.


End file.
